Big Outbrake USA
by Nanda1
Summary: It's kind of an ER/Friends Crossover. Just read the prologue and you'll get it. First fic ever!!
1. Prologue

This is a litle story I invented with a little help from my riends to a school play. I decided to translate to English, since I wrote in Portuguese so you guys could read. To make it more interesting, I changed the characters names to ER's and Friends' characters. So it's kind of a crossover of both shows. 

The story is simple and inspired in the show Big Brother, but is now the Big Outbreak USA [aka Big Surto Brasil] 

Hope you guys enjoy it because a really appreciated doing it. 

PS. This play was awarded as the best text and presentation in my class, so i hope it continues funny even if it is translated. You may not get some jokes, but I tried to keep the original text with a few changes so you guys could understand. 

OK, that was boring, so let's start to read Big Outbreak USA, ENJOY and please R/R and give sugestions on my e-mail: ferdy_caramelo@hotmail.com 

OH Yeah, forgot to mention, the characters are a little bit different about their atitudes in my story. 


	2. Apparently, Everyone is Everyone

Apparently, Everyone is Everyone 

[Luka Kovac hosts the show] 

LK: 8 persons confined in one fancy house with the only purpose of winning US$1.000.000,00, in the end of some days. Let's get to know them 

[The contesters enter into the house and sit on the couch (plays Frenetic by Orbital)] 

Luka: Welcome! Introduce yourselves and tell why do you want to win the must-wanted award 

Kerry Weaver: My name is Kerry and I want to win 'cause I wanna buy an apartment for me 

Monica Geller: Hi! Hey mom! I'm Monica Geller, I want this award 

[turns to the audience] 

Which by the way is very low, but what the hell, what can I do about it? 

[Turns to Kovac] 

to buy a mansion just like Barbie's house 

Rachel Green: Caham, Caham [aka Cleans her throat] 

Monica: [With a dreaming look] It's my biggest dream.... 

Dave Malucci: I am Dave, What's up? Ya know, I wanna go to Hawaii, to catch the perfect wave. You are aware of how expensive it is... 

Phoebe Buffay: What's up? I'm Pheebs. I wanna win the bucks to see a Blink 182 concert in California. They are awesome 

Carol Hathaway: I'm Carol and I'm not here or the money, and yes to protest againsnt the banal programs in American television. Like this one... 

Rachel Greene: I'm Rachel, but you can call me Rach! I don't want the money, I'm here just for the experience, but if I get a few bucks, it will be nice buying a beer factory 

Abby Lockhart: Hey! My name is Abigail, but call me Abby, pleeeeaseeeee [begs to everybody] and I wanna buy an apartment with two bedrooms, one for me and the others for Teofilo 

Luka: Who is Teofilo? 

Abby: He is just a friend of mine... 

Ross Geller: My name is Rossy and I'm not related to Monica. I do some mix jobs around and I wanna win to have an operation 

Luka: OK! Now that everybody is properly introduced, let's leave them alone. See ya tomorrow! 

[Turns to the audience] 

But before let's have a little peek 

[Frenetic plays lowder and the scene fades to black] 

AN: Stole Orbital's Frenetic because it's a great song! 

Teofilo is the name of an imaginary friend that my friend had when she was a kid. 


	3. Hot Militar Guys Are Always Good

Chapter II → Hot Militar Guys Are Always Good 

[The show starts, everyone is laid in cushions talking] 

Rachel: Fancy house my ass!! 

[Everybody laughs; they sleep; it's day again!] 

Monica: My back aches!! What a rotten mattress! 

Phoebe: Darling, if you wanna go, the door is right there... 

Monica: shut up you dumbass 

Ross: Girls! Stop it! You always make things so complicated! 

Abby: Children! You'll wake up Teofilo! [Gets up and leaves the room] 

Dave: Let's go people!! Let's go getting up!! 

Kerry: He is right... 

[Luka Kovac comes in] 

Luka: Good morning! How did you guys spend the night? 

Phoebe: [Really high] Be happy is wake up every morning, open the window and fly like a little bird.... 

Rachel: Wow! Don't say crap, guria* 

[Abby comes in] 

Rachel: Where have you been Abbs? 

Abby: I was looking for Teofilo 

Carol: Where is he? 

Abby: He is there inside 

Dave: Is he here to compete too? 

Abby: No, he just came to accompany me... 

Ross: If I knew a had brought my hot guy! 

Luka: Well, continuing what I was saying before you interrupted me... [stares at Abby] 

Abby: Excuse me! You werent saying anything when I came in, so don't look at me like that... 

Luka: Fine, whatever! Now it's time to play the Colonel game! 

Rachel, Abby and Rossy: YEY! Hot militar guys!!! 

Luka: The game is like this: There willbe two chairs in the middle of the room. When the music stops, you should seat on them1 Who sits in the last chair, will be the winner!! 

Rach: At least tell me we are going to win a good award after doing this crappy, childish game! 

Luka: I'm glad you asked. The winner wins a beatle! 

Abby: The car? 

Luka: Nope 

Abby: The band's CD? 

Luka: Nope 

Dave: The vegetable? 

Kerry: What? No, you dumbass, beat is the vegetable, BEAT, B-E-A-T! 

Dave: OK, you don't have to yell at me like this... 

Abby: So, if it's not the car or the band, what is it? 

Luka: Actually, it's jus a beatle, but it's a big one... 

Abby: OK, that's just stupid! I refuse to play this game! 

Rachel and Carol: Me too! 

Luka: OK, Abby, Rachel and Carol aren't going to play! Anyone else? 

Monica: Actually, I don't wan... 

Luka: No, OK, let's atart! 

[The song starts to play] 

_She falls apart by herself _

_no one's there to talk or understand _

_feels the sting dries her eyes _

_finds herself opens the door and sighs _

_people see right through you _

_everyone who knew you well _

[Dave starts to push Ross, who falls and starts to whine about is, everyone ignores it] 

_falls apart, might as well _

_day is long and nothing is wasted _

_runaway, runawaywanna hold on to you but you're going away _

_runaway, runaway _

_wanna hold you tomorrow but you're leaving today _

[The song stops] 

Luka: Let's see, Kerry sat in both chairs. I guess she is the winner! Congratulations, you are now the Colonel! 

Phoebe: WHAT!! That's not fair, we don't even had a chance to sit! 

Luka: Sorry... 

Phoebe: Screw you! Screw you all!!!!!!! 

Kerry: [Sticks her tongue out] Nananana! I won, you didn't!! I am the Colonel, you aren't!!! 

Monica: You are not the Colonel! You are...the weakest link! 

  
AN: I stole some verses of "Falls Apart [Runaway]" by Sugar Ray 


	4. Can't Take My Eyes Off Raining Men

Before anything, I would like to say I'm sorry because of my spelling in the last chapters. 

Another mistake: In chapter II I used the word "guria" that is a synonymum for "girl" in Portuguese 

[It's night and Ross is alone; a song starts to play...] 
    
    Ross: Humidity is rising [Mmm..rising]
    
    
    Barometer's getting low [How low girl?]
    
    
    According to our sources [What sources now?]
    
    
    The street's the place to go [We better hurry up]
    
    
    Cause' tonight for the first time [First time]
    
    
    Just about half past ten [Half past ten]
    
    
    For the first time in history
    
    
    It's gonna start rainin men [Start rainin men]

[Ross widly starts to dance] 

Abby and Rachel: [come in] PARTY!!!! 

Everybody: YEAH!!!! 

[Everybody is dancing and drinking right now] 
    
    _It's raining men
    _
    
    _Hallejulah
    _
    
    _It's rainin men
    _
    
    _And men
    _
    
    _I'm gonna go out
    _
    
    _I'm gonna let myself get
    _
    
    _Absolutley soaking wet
    _
    
    _It's rainin men
    _
    
    _Hallejulah
    _
    
    _It's rainin men
    _

_Every specimen_

[Same night, Time 4:37am... Everybody is sleeping; two shadows can be seen in the wall] 

I Love You Baby 

_And If It's Quite Alright _

_I Need You Baby _

_To Warm My Lonelly Nights _

_I Love You Baby _

_Trust In Me When I Say _

_Oh Prety Baby _

_Don't Bring Me Down, I Pray _

_Oh Pretty Baby _

_Now That I Found You Stay _

_And Let Me Love You Baby _

[The lights are on] 

Monica: What the hell is that? 

Carol: Oh, please, go sing that crappy music in your damn hill slum 

Abby and Rachel: Come on, it's fun!!! 

You Are Just Too Good To Be True 

_Can't Take My Eyes Off You _

_You'd Be Like Heaven To Touch _

_I Wanna Hold You So Much _

Kerry: SHUT UP!!!!!! 

Dave: Leave it. I think it's just a hangover.... 

Kerry: [screaming] Well, if it isn't, it will be in about five seconds if they don't stop screaming like that!!! 

Phoebe: Hold on, the only one screaming here right now is you, so don't start with that crap. They are just singing.... 

[Abby is now leaning on Dave] 

At Long Last Love Has Arrived 

_And I Thank God I'm Alive _

_You Are Just Too Good To Be True _

_Can't Take My Eyes Off You _

Dave: OK, babe, slow down... 

[Abby approaches to Dave's lips, she falls and starts to sleep] 

Dave: OK, can someone tell me why ***THIS*** always happens? 

Phoebe: Maybe your love essence level is so high that can't resist.... 

Kerry: Or maybe is just because every girl you know has to be so drunk to kiss you... 

Rachel: HEY!!! She is not drunk! She is just tired... [falls on the floor and starts to sleep too] 

Kerry: OK, now that they are sleeping, let's do the same before they wake again! 

Monica: First of all, you are not the boss here, so don't give us orders. Second of al... [falls on the floor and sleeps] 

Carol: OK, what was on that Tequilas? 

Kerry: I have no idea, but I'm glad I didn't have it... Good Night!! 

Everyone still awake: Night... 

[It's morning; Monica and Kerry are alone in the living room] 

Monica: Did you see how gay that Rossy is? 

Kerry: Oh, come on, just let him be happy... 

Monica: Yeah, but I'm sick about those gay people 

Kerry: OK, stop it alright! 

Monica: K... 

[Dave comes in] 

Dave: Why are you girls so serious about? 

Kerry: It's nothing... 

Monica: The conversation is between A and B, C can't get in 

Dave: K, don't have to be so nervous about it.... 

Monica: Sorry.... 

Dave: Wow, did you guys saw how drunk they are? 

Kerry: Who? 

Monica: No doubt he is talking about the Teofilo crazy and the one with the beer factory! 

Kerry: It's Teofilo here, Teofilo there and I never saw that damn creature! 

Dave: Me neither 

Monica: Let's see if there is something to eat? 

[the three leave; Phoebe and Carol come in] 

Phoebe: Oh crap! Someone stole my discman! I can't believe it!! Damn! 

Carol: It must have been those dudes from the staff, just to drive us crazy! And for get ratings, of course! God, that why I hate this damn midia! It's all about money... 

Phoebe: Yeah, it could have been them, but I'm almost sure that were those drunk 

Carol: Your right, I haven't thought about that before... 

[Phoebe starts to wildly looking for her discman and gets desperate; Ross comes in] 

Ross: What's going on girl? 

Carol: Someone stole her discman 

Ross: Oh y God! Where is this world going? 

Carol: Tell me the truth, are you gay? 

Ross: [screaming] Not gay, not gay, I'm bisa, bissa*!!! 

Phoebe: I WANT MY DISCMAN!! 

[both start to speak alone, making a scene] 

Carol: I'm out of here... [leaves] 

[In the bedroom...] 

Rachel: Did you see that Monica girl, who wants to win to buy a Barbie's house? What a moron! 

Abby: It's like Dave, who wants to win so he can go to his Hawaii! Did you ever see him grabbing a broom to sweep one single inche of this house? 

[Dave comes in the background sweeping the floor and singing] 

Rachel: That Kerry is such a pain in the ass! She keeps hitting on Dave all the time! 

Abby: Yeah, if she wants to be a slut, just go to a corner. And don't get me start with Carol! Man, that girl thinks she is the best! She keeps saying she doesn't want anything, that hates this kind of stuff... so why is she here? 

Rachel: I think she is having an affair with the hoster... 

Rachel and Abby: Hmmmmmmm 

Rachel: What about that gay guy? What a ridiculous thing!! 

Abby: don't forget, it's "bissa", not gay! 

[both laugh] 

Abby: Yeah, but htat Phoebe is worst. Ya know, she doesn't do anything in life. Just keep listening to those crappy songs ans saying those meaningless phrases! 

Rachel: Summarizing, they are a bunch of crazy! 

Abby: That's right, we are the only normal ones here! 

[They hit the bottles and go sleep] 

*AN: Stole some verses of "Can't Take My Eyes Off You" by Tony Bennett and from ""It's Raining Man" by Geri Halliwell. 

*I don't know how to spell moron, so I hope I got it right. 

*The line: "The conversation is between A and B, C can't get in" was inspired in something i heard in the movie "Save The Last Dance" 

*Bissa is something me and my sister made up. People call homosexual people here "bixa", so we made some adjusts. 

*I hope no one was offended by my jokes about gay people. I really aprecciate their courage, even though I'm straight 


End file.
